The Drowning Howl: Saturday June 11, 2022
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3:33am: Good evening. I know it's technically morning but it's still dark. Welcome to the Drowning Howl. As inflation soars there is no need for alarm, says Professor Richard Greenback of the Academy of Economics. Admitting that gold reserves may be depleted, he says that the printing presses down at the mint are being recalibrated with new superconductors to help them pump out all the bailout money we'll need. As for new investors, Greenback is optimistic. He thinks we needn't limit ourselves to terrestrial finance, but should reach for other stars with other planets circling them; planets which may hold millions of new investors. We just need to spend a lot more on the space program. The province has applied for an exemption from federal drug laws that would allow possession of small amounts of narcotics for personal use. Police here already have their hands full trying to stay on top of an ever rising body count. While other provinces may see the move as unfair, they seem to think it is perfectly fair to banish all their undesirables to this province. As for the penalty of incarceration, it is pointless in a location where one is more surrounded by criminals on a public street than in a correctional facility. A former U.S. president has come under scrutiny for his connection to the outbreak of violence that descended on the houses of legislature early last year. Bitter over having just lost the election, his angry call to march on the capital was taken by extremist elements of his following as a green light to riot. However, accusations that the event was an attempted coup are being challenged by the former president's supporters on the basis that it was too disorganized and its participants too lightly armed. They say to wait until he loses the next election if you want to see an attempted coup. Another president, our friend whose country has been invaded, expressed concern this week that the West might lose interest in the war over time. But the West says that we're always interested in the war in the East because it makes us more secure about being in the West, and that we deeply appreciate the brave sacrifices being made at the front. And, don't worry, the weapons are on the way, and we'll want to see how well they perform on TV. Make a wish, Mr President, maybe there'll be an aircraft carrier under the Christmas tree this year. And, something to feel good about tonight, the world famous balloonist Zabo has been found alive, his basket suspended from a rocky outcrop deep in the mouth of Mount Kilimanjaro. Rescue helicopters were summoned to the scene, and he is back on solid ground. Attempting to surmount the great peak, his latest stunt went awry when he ran afoul of a strong south-westerly, dashing his balloon against a jagged cliff face. Propelled by escaping hot air into an upward spiral, from there he fell helplessly into the volcanic crater and was not believed to have survived. Zabo apologized for not completing his stunt, but his fans say they think they like the accident better. Wow. Some people are so lucky, it's amazing. That's all from the Drowning Howl for another week. Glad you could join us. |
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| © 2022. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
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