Present Mistypings

The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 28, 2022 Good day, and here is our report for another week. As usual, only five things happened. Although rents seem to be soaring out of reach, a top developer advises that we brace ourselves and wait until more affordable housing can become available. He says that old shipping containers offer a quick fix. Stackable up to five storeys, the containers could house a growing population, making ideal family units. Easy to assemble Anderson bomb shelters, on the other hand, could accommodate single men. A suitable zone for such dwelling places still needs to be found, with the city dump highest on the current list of possibilities. It may take a long time to realize this Utopian vision, but existing units are expected to finally drop in price once they start to get run-down. Strong faith in our soldiers on the Eastern Front was voiced in parliament on Wednesday, declaring that they are the superior military force and that the enemy canno

The Drowning Howl: Sunday May 22, 2022 Good morning, and welcome to the Drowning Howl. Owooooooo - gurgle, gurgle. It's 1:30 am. Topmost in our order, His Regal Nighness, the Lord of Dauphins, arrived in the country for a three-day summit with indigenous leaders at a sweat lodge in Baffin Island on Sunday. There they renamed him 'Water on the Knee' and told him he was the reincarnation of a great Medicine man sent by the Creator to save the lakes from overicefishing and to protect the tundra. The subarctic region is expected to become more navally strategic in the future due to global warming. Naturally, with his mother, the Monarch, approaching extreme old age, everyone is rushing to ingratiate themselves to the Lord, hoping to have his favour when he ascends to the throne. So you'd better not call him 'Big Ears' anymore. And, for Christ's sake, don't mention his ex-wife. In war news, in newly seized territory, an enemy court has sen

Apparently Culpable They put something in the news on which I need to comment seriously, so I'm listing this as a statement. It's quite a hard task to turn such serious news reports into comedy, as I've been trying to do lately, but I think people need the levity and I enjoy the challenge. Plus it keeps my brain sharp. Whenever I use real names and references, rather than imaginary ones, I'm generally sharing a statement and not a script. There was a shooting at a supermarket in Buffalo today that appears to have been racially motivated. It's awful, and I wonder if certain media people are aware of how they might be reinforcing this kind of behaviour. I have spent the last twenty years experiencing how the media place appearances above all else, in order to win the favour of the public. They made you love musical frauds by making them look like they wrote my songs. They made you love comedy frauds by presenting them as the authors of my blogs. To

The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 14, 2022 Hello, and thank you for joining us today at the Drowning Howl. We don't get paid for it, we just like the attention. A major air disaster was narrowly averted this week when the engine of a jetliner caught fire just as it made its final approach. Luckily its destination was Vancouver, and the crew were able to put out the blaze just by flying into a cloud. To maintain calm, passengers were kept unaware of the emergency until it had passed. Technicians are mystified by the malfunction of a power outlet used by a popular quiz show during a taping. Second degree burns were sustained by a contestant when a ball of highly charged plasma leapt up from the box below him and landed on his buzzer hand. The man had just named Guglielmo Marconi as the inventor of the radio, winning money and applause. As it turns out, another inventor, Nikola Tesla, held the original patent for the radio, and also invented the power outlet. In wa

Present Protests June 28, 2022: I knew another piece of my musical mishap on YouTube in 2007 would come back to offend me before too long. I just want to tell Tim Horton's that I find their Tim Bieb's promotion most unappetizing. As I said in my Offender's List , Bieber grabbed a song from my YouTube account early on. I can't remember the song, but I recall the violation. I don't care how many crappy recordings he's made on his own since then, I wrote his first hit and he got paid for it. It's as wrong as the Beyonce crime with Umbrella. Another pop star who got his or her big start from stealing my music. What year did he come on the scene again? Oh, just ignore this now and eat your donuts. And Tim Horton's, you and Ellen's Cheerios can got to hell for your wicked sponsorships. June 18, 2022: Was forced to rush through an impromptu take of an old pop song I wrote because of hearing it on the radio without my permission. It will st

The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 7, 2022 Good evening. Since Thursday, the May 5th deadline has expired on the enemy drive to consolidate its gains in time for Cinco de Mayo. The tequila-soaked international holiday, commemorating Mexico's victory of the Battle of Puebla in 1862 against the invading French, should slow down assaults on our troops - as well as our own counter-attacks - until well into the weekend. However, given the enemy's disdain for our maternity wards, we'll probably be busy again on May 8th - Mother's Day. On the medical front, now that missile attacks have chased doctors and patients out of solid buildings and into flimsy tents, they appear reluctant to mark their new locations with a large red cross. The Committee for Weather Control has announced a startling breakthrough, saying it may finally be possible to push our damp coastal climate into the dry interior woodlands where it is needed. The move would greatly reduce forest f