The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 26, 2022

The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 26, 2022
Keep an eye on my Present Protests. I'm always adding to them.

6:30am: Good morning and welcome to our weekly review. Hey, it's good enough for us.

Up front this morning, while Pro-Life groups are elated by the sudden overturning of the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that legalized abortion, many women see it as a loss of personal freedom. For two generations that have taken for granted the right to slay their unborn, the new restriction will be uncomfortable, and, with gas prices at their current peak, the drive to Canada - or, perhaps, California - will cost them a bundle. Millions of protestors say their bodies are being tyrannized, but government clearly sees their fertile wombs as protected state property. Is it wrong to force motherhood upon the unwilling, or is it more wrong to kill an unborn child? As a man, I have learned to have no opinion on the issue.

The Supreme Court's reversal, which appears to have religious connotations, has sparked a hot debate over the existence and nature of God. While non-believers are quicker to reject scriptural directives influencing our laws, some church goers still concede to a woman's right to choose. If God exists, they reason, God has already granted women the right to proper medical treatment for unwanted pregnancy for almost half a century, so why would God suddenly take it away in 2022? And why would a merciful God condemn any pregnant woman to the ghastly prospect of a coat hanger abortion? God could not be that cruel; God could not be that fickle; therefore, the move must be entirely man-made. However, beyond this issue such sympathizers have little in common with the others in their camp.

Out of respect to a viewer from Greenland who thinks our program is too warlike, we will skip our normal coverage of the war this week. We thought we were talking about it more from necessity than by choice, but are certainly not limited to the topic. Anyway, it's time for my antibiotics. Excuse me. Yes, and now to wash it down. Ah! Okay, boys, get over to that wisdom tooth and blast those infectors to Kingdom Come! They've been having their way with my innocent nerve endings long enough. It's time to put a stop to their senseless cruelty. Now, we've had them encircled for three days, so they should be on the brink of collapse. And, don't worry, I'll see that you're all armed to the teeth. Just get in there and fight! Fight, I say! Fight to the last man! - or corpuscle - whatever you are. Ahem! Oh, sorry! Just trying to motivate my troops - uh - pills.

In business, a return to a gold backed economy and to pre-1971 economic stability is more within reach than ever, says Dr Morris Shueman of the Fortune Foundation. In 1971, when Nixon took U.S. currency off the gold standard, the price of gold averaged $44.60 per ounce, equivalent in purchasing power to $322.01 today and a difference of $277.41 over 51 years. The price of gold, itself, on the other hand, has risen to $1,871 per ounce, a much higher increase of $1826.40 in the same span of time. If this trend continues, he explains, the required weight for a gold backed national economy may grow light enough to fit in a shoebox by 2100. Let's hope we still have enough gold by then to accomplish it; before the ounce is surpassed by the much more affordable flake.

And, in today's troubled times, with the illusions of fame and fortune and success driving so many astray, we close this morning with the tale of Bogdon Bogdonovich, a simple 80-year-old immigrant who loves his outboard motor. He'd had his boat securely moored when it was stumbled on by an escaped convict from a nearby institution. Chased by dogs, the man made off with it, but was soon rammed by a customs vessel. Bogdon was shown heartbreaking photographs of the wreckage floating on the water and thought he'd never fish again. But the very next day there was a terrible hurricane that would have drowned him if he'd been out fishing. Instead he stayed on land and watched a brand new fishing boat, complete with outboard motor, blown right onto his property. All he had to do was drag it off his porch and onto his wheelbarrow. Old Bogdon is back out on the water, chasing the sturgeons, and is grateful to God for the generous donation. The former owner of the serendipitous craft remains unknown.

It just goes to show you, if you know what makes you happy, happiness is never far away. That's all for another week, and if you liked the Drowning Howl, we'd probably like you. Bye for now.

   
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© 2022. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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