Present Mistypings

Google Who Do You Blame? Copyright 2007, 2010: Words and Music by David Skerkowski. Above: It's still online in my (Google's) YouTube account after almost 12 years. I found myself rewriting it while facing impending homelessness at my old apartment. Yes, I was only a few days away from a homeless shelter when I rewrote Easy from my suffering life. And why did a band of rich, spoiled rock stars make millions of dollars from it when it came from my poverty? So, Google and NBC, you have done a great job of convincing people around here that I'm to be stepped on. Last night someone threw a rock at my window and just now someone slurred me from across the street at 6:30 in the morning. That should make all those crooked, jealous stars of yours happy. What I want to ask Google especially, though, is who do you blame for this? Google, do I deserve to have rocks thrown at my window now just because I want to stand up for my intellectual property? I alr...

The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 26, 2022 Keep an eye on my Present Protests . I'm always adding to them. 6:30am: Good morning and welcome to our weekly review. Hey, it's good enough for us. Up front this morning, while Pro-Life groups are elated by the sudden overturning of the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that legalized abortion, many women see it as a loss of personal freedom. For two generations that have taken for granted the right to slay their unborn, the new restriction will be uncomfortable, and, with gas prices at their current peak, the drive to Canada - or, perhaps, California - will cost them a bundle. Millions of protestors say their bodies are being tyrannized, but government clearly sees their fertile wombs as protected state property. Is it wrong to force motherhood upon the unwilling, or is it more wrong to kill an unborn child? As a man, I have learned to have no opinion on the issue. The Supreme Court's reversal, which appears to ...

The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 19, 2022 3:10pm Good day. Sorry we're late. Slept in. Our top story for the week, an independent Canadian songwriter is gaining attention on the internet for standing up for his copyright against... Hold it... Good heavens! This just in: a 200-foot-high tsunami, believed to have originated along the Canary Islands fault line, is heading straight for the Eastern Seaboard and could impact at any moment! Citizens of the densely populated region are trapped, with traffic jams blocking every escape route. Over seven people have already been crushed in the competition for high ground, while authorities are calling upon anyone with a boat to take on at least two landlubbers before setting sail. Rolling inexorably across the Atlantic at almost 500 miles per hour, the great wave... Wait a minute... False alarm. There is no tidal wave, just a crack in someone's stupid computer screen. Oh, brother! Sorry, everyone. Once again, there is no t...

The Drowning Howl: Saturday June 11, 2022 3:33am: Good evening. I know it's technically morning but it's still dark. Welcome to the Drowning Howl. As inflation soars there is no need for alarm, says Professor Richard Greenback of the Academy of Economics. Admitting that gold reserves may be depleted, he says that the printing presses down at the mint are being recalibrated with new superconductors to help them pump out all the bailout money we'll need. As for new investors, Greenback is optimistic. He thinks we needn't limit ourselves to terrestrial finance, but should reach for other stars with other planets circling them; planets which may hold millions of new investors. We just need to spend a lot more on the space program. The province has applied for an exemption from federal drug laws that would allow possession of small amounts of narcotics for personal use. Police here already have their hands full trying to stay on top of an ever rising body...

The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 5, 2022 Good morning, and welcome, once again, to the Drowning Howl. Never mind my name. Ruling our schedule this week, the Monarch's Platinum Jubilee proceeded without a hitch; with no sex scandal, no drunken riot, no political protest, no firecrackers, no gate-crashers, no streakers, no assassination attempts, no melodrama, no clinking ice cubes, no vulgar jokes, and not even so much as a wavering raspberry. In short, the event was entirely uneventful, but, of course, that's how she prefers it. And who can blame the old gal for wanting a little peace and quiet after all the shocks she's withstood over the years? Besides, we must go easy on her if we want to celebrate her Rhodium Jubilee in another 20 years. 'Not guilty,' say the jury in the assault trial of the Hollywood actor, Jimmy Tripp. Although eyewitnesses confirmed his transgression, further examination disclosed that it occurred because the plaintiff, his ...

The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 28, 2022 Good day, and here is our report for another week. As usual, only five things happened. Although rents seem to be soaring out of reach, a top developer advises that we brace ourselves and wait until more affordable housing can become available. He says that old shipping containers offer a quick fix. Stackable up to five storeys, the containers could house a growing population, making ideal family units. Easy to assemble Anderson bomb shelters, on the other hand, could accommodate single men. A suitable zone for such dwelling places still needs to be found, with the city dump highest on the current list of possibilities. It may take a long time to realize this Utopian vision, but existing units are expected to finally drop in price once they start to get run-down. Strong faith in our soldiers on the Eastern Front was voiced in parliament on Wednesday, declaring that they are the superior military force and that the enemy canno...

The Drowning Howl: Sunday May 22, 2022 Good morning, and welcome to the Drowning Howl. Owooooooo - gurgle, gurgle. It's 1:30 am. Topmost in our order, His Regal Nighness, the Lord of Dauphins, arrived in the country for a three-day summit with indigenous leaders at a sweat lodge in Baffin Island on Sunday. There they renamed him 'Water on the Knee' and told him he was the reincarnation of a great Medicine man sent by the Creator to save the lakes from overicefishing and to protect the tundra. The subarctic region is expected to become more navally strategic in the future due to global warming. Naturally, with his mother, the Monarch, approaching extreme old age, everyone is rushing to ingratiate themselves to the Lord, hoping to have his favour when he ascends to the throne. So you'd better not call him 'Big Ears' anymore. And, for Christ's sake, don't mention his ex-wife. In war news, in newly seized territory, an enemy court has sen...