The Drowning Howl: Wednesday October 26, 2022
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Hello, and welcome to another edition of the Drowning Howl, where it's not quite all bad news. The government has shown its hand with its latest budget proposals, and its apparent wish to force fiscal responsibility on the public has been met with bitter and widespread condemnation. Like it or not, however, spending cuts are on the way, and it may be time to brace for a shock. No more free rides; they're sending all the squatters to the workhouse. They say that someone has to turn those mills by hand if we want to keep our energy bills down, and that there are more than enough available able-bodied squatters. Another ecologically positive move, a return to horse-drawn public transportation, is hoped to help us stay within the confines of our shrinking fuel budget. Finally, publicly supported medical care will be limited to only the severest cases of cholera, smallpox, tuberculosis and typhus. The lactose intolerant will just have to do without until physicians come to grips with the far more life-threatening diseases that tend to run rampant through broken streets reeking of horse manure and -uh- vomit. Worried about the economy? Start your small business with next to nothing on Boggle Buy... With senseless mass slayings approaching an all-time high comes a sobering reminder of how little protection there truly is out there from the cruel forces of darkness. The source of this disheartening crime wave is under debate, though it is generally agreed that the internet is a principle culprit. Certainly, as a place where false messiahs are allowed to get rich with stolen works of music and comedy, we can't be surprised when some among the younger, more impressionable generations are led astray to such heinous, hateful acts. After all, they want to be stars, too, and, just like their 'successful' idols, they can be expected to pursue stardom with the most cold-blooded resolve. Blame a heartless broadcast industry that hates the truth about itself and its immoral ranking of profits over human decency. As long as they're the only ones reporting the slayings, we may never get to the bottom of their cause. Afraid of growing gun crime? Be ready for that eventual shooting by becoming a paramedic... After a year of extreme weather disasters striking every continent, it would seem that our mistreatment of the environment has finally caught up with us. Species are dying out by the genus, with humans quickly working their way up the ladder to the cliff's edge. Fossil-fuel-burning culprits show no signs of slowing down as they flood our atmosphere with more and more carbon dioxide. And even if we did go green all at once, the violent pattern is expected to persist and grow worse in the years ahead. So, there may be no point in having children. If we're lucky, it will happen suddenly; drowned in a flash flood, struck by flying debris from a hurricane, swept under by a tidal wave, or consumed by a raging fire. For the hapless survivors of the future, nothing but a desert will remain. Sick, emaciated, parched with thirst, and forced to tow their belongings on primitive sleds through the merciless dunes, they will grow to envy the dead. Anxious about the environment? Here at DeFecal Solutions, we're giving back to the planet... The war in the East rages grimly on with modern weapons systems so ingenious as to make combat duty a virtual death sentence. As soon as you spot one of those new drones, it's already too late; you and everything within a wide radius of your location will be obliterated before you even have time to yelp. There's no hiding from a drone either. Once it selects you, it'll hunt you down. And if that doesn't get you, maybe it'll just be a hypersonic missile. Imagine getting killed by one of those. It would be on top of you before you could even hear its thundering approach. Of course, as long as we're launching missiles at each other, we're only one short step away from nuclear Armageddon. Then all will be gone; everything; civilization reduced to a heap of broken bricks and tortured metal; no movement but from swarms of murderous dust; nothing to see in a blackened sky; nothing to hope for; nothing to love; the earth like a scorched ship, abandoned by the crew... Wait a minute, that last bit sounds familiar. Depressed about the war? Get Benny's, the number one chemical remedy for war related mood disorders... While the recent celestial bull's eye achieved by NASA in striking a target over a distance of seven million miles is impressive, mathematicians estimate that about 17,000 large, near-Earth asteroids remain undetected. The figure had to be reached by extrapolation because we have no way of seeing these potential planet killers. They occupy a blind spot in our sky, and always take us by surprise when they come hurtling in. Why, there could be one out there right now, headed straight for us, and we wouldn't know. That means that, even if we did manage to somehow fix the economy and control violent crime and avert ecological disaster and bring our wars to a positive conclusion, there would be no stopping another mass-extinction event like the one that ended the reign of dinosaurs on this planet. We could be due for such an event in our own time. Then it's back to the Ice Age for another ten thousand years, if anyone is still here to suffer it. Feeling insecure about your family's future? Maybe you need a new insurance policy... Like my cynical news reports? NBC sure did in 2007, but these are mostly new. Check out the rest of my 2022 Howls from the below link list. The Drowning Howl: Saturday August 6, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday July 17, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Saturday July 9, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday July 3, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 26, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 19, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Saturday June 11, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday June 5, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 28, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Sunday May 22, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 14, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Saturday May 7, 2022 The Drowning Howl: Friday April 29, 2022 |
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| © 2022. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
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